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Naruto 522

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Shonen Jump Parody: Naruto 522

This chapter is brought to you by feels.

Prepared to be wrecked by them

[Insert Diver]

~~~~

Title page is Not Zombie Haku looking at a reflection of him self.

I'm sure this won't be important. At all.

Kakashi and his bitches back away from the zombie squad just as they're about to go ape shit.

Sai:”Is it really necessary to call use bitches?”

Yes. Because that's what you are.

Bitch.

The zombie patrol feel their wills fading because of Kabutomaru.

Motoi's dad:” I feel...hot.”

Random ninja: "That's what she said!"

Kabutomaru:"You die first."

Yes, I had to do this.

No, I'm not sorry.

Kakashi warns Gai about Zabuza's killing intent just he(Gai) pointed the HELLISH AURA coming off Zabuza.

Necessary!

Haku asks Kakashi to stop them again.

Kakashi: “Was already planing to, but whateves.”

Haku starts going of on how he failed to be Zabuza's tool and how he doesn't deserve to be his tool anymore.

But you don't care about that.

Haku:” Since Zabuza-san has been brought back, I failed my mission to be his tool! I don't deserve to live!”

Kakashi:” Well, seeing as how you're already dead...”

Sakura:” Hell, it's even the name of the chapter.”

Zabuza: “COULD YOU ASSHOLES STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, PLEASE?!”

Zabuza, the fourth wall is non existent at this point.

Kakashi tells Haku how Zabuza lost his shit once he died.

Kakashi:” Zabuza went ape shit and murder a bunch a folks with nothing but a kunai in his month, All because you went and got yourself killed by my lighting blade.”

Sai:”So, is anyone gonna point that out or?”

Sakura:” It's best if you don't.”

It really is.

Kakashi says Zabuza didn't just see Haku as a weapon, and Zabuza goes into tsundere mode.

Zabuza:” I-it's not like I only saw you as a weapon...baka.”

I had to.

Again, not sorry.

More crap we already know gets shown and once again, we play up just how great and awesome Naruto is.

If Naruto doesn't become the Jesus of this world, I'll be surprised.

Zabuza says that was his first loss and laughs bitterly about it.

Kabutomaru: “Aw. Zabuza and Haku are trying to further develop their characters. Gotta put an end to that~!”

You're such an ass, Kabutomaru.

Zabuza yells that he's humanity is dead.

Kakashi understands as Haku sheds one final tear.

You know, despite all my snark, this is actually a very touching scene.

Time to be a dick and ruin it~! >: D

As it turns out, Motoi's dad has a name!

Gari:” I've always had a name! You just didn't bother remember it!”

Yeah, that nice. No one cares.

The girl is named Paku and is a scorch style user and is kinda hot.

...

That's not weird to say, is it?

Kakashi: “I'd say it's pretty weird.”

No one asked you!

Zabuza uses the hidden mist tech, while Kakashi gives out orders I don't understand so fuck it.

Kakashi:” Breaker, breaker, ninener! The enemy is three clicks to the northwest side. All alpha converge on my location!”

Sakura:”What the fuck did you just say?!”

I don't know, Sakura.

Kakashi, Lee, Sakura and Gai take the same formation Team 7 did during their first fight with him.

Hm…

I'm sensing a rehash.

Sakura apparently sense it too, as she points it out.

Sakura: “Last time, he got use because of a blind spot. There's no way that could happen now!”

Dammit, Sakura…

Haven't you ever heard of “Temping fate”?

Unsurprisingly enough, Haku and Zabuza wreck the nameless extras.

Kabutomaru is teaming with delight.

He goes on to brag about how awesome Orochmaru's chakra is and you don't care about any of this.

Kabutomaru:” Orochimaru-sama's chakra is awesome! Which makes me awesome!”

You keep thinking that.

He goes to explain what he has in store with the rest of the zombie nin, but you don't care about that, so...SKIP.

[Back in the land of iron]

Suigetsu and Jugo are making their escape.

Suigetsu:”I think the plot might have forgotten about us.”

Jugo:” I think we should look for Sasuke.”

Suigetsu:” Yeah! That's a great idea! Let's go find the asshat who left us for dead!”

Jugo:” I'm getting the feeling you're still bitter about that...”

Suigetsu:” FUCKING A, I AM! In any case, I'mma go look for my sword. Wanna help?”

Jugo:” Eh. Why not? It's not like we'll be important.”

He's sadly not wrong.

[Meanwhile,with the plot]

The Allied Shinobi alliance is getting wrecked by the zombie nin.

So, nothing different from where we left off.

Though, one does mention something about one cannon fodder nin being turned into a mummy.

Any and all Mummy related puns with be meet with a shotgun to the face.

Paku proceeds to wreck more people, using her Scorch style to burn up the water in the cannon fodder nin's bodies.

That's pretty impressive, actually.

Oh, and Motoi's dad is doing stuff or whatever.

Gari:”I. HAVE. A. NAME!”

He then becomes Saitama and makes a dude exploded!

RN: “Oh fuck! He just made that guy explode!”

RN#2: “We're all going to die!”

RN#3: “I wish I was a plot important character!”

No you don't.

Trust me.

A lone cannon fodder nin try to attack Motoi's dad.

I can only see this ending well.

But, Haku intervenes and gets ready to kill him dead.

Suddenly, Lee and Gai!

They save cannon fodder nin from being horribly murdered.

Congrats, cannon fodder nin.

You get to live for a few seconds longer.

Gai tells them to chill the fuck out and stop being pansies It's war, expect to lose some loved ones, ya bitch!

Gai:” I didn't say any of that!”

You did in my headcanon.

Kakshi is fighting Zabuza while Sakura heals a dude.

Kabutomaru: “Ugh! This is getting boring!"

Kabutomaru shares my opinion.

He decides to be an even bigger prick and gets Paku and Motoi's dad to summon….The previous Seven mist swordsman!

DUN DUN DUN!

RN:”Oh no…not them!”

RN#2:” We're so boned!”

Kakashi:” Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me!”

Chapter end with the SMS standing in a line, ready to wreck everyone.

Oh, and Zabuza got his sword back.

Sakura:” How did he get that back?!”

Because the plot demands it, Sakura.


Where in I show to you all just how soulless I truly am.

Also, the ninja th Motoi's dad killed was the "That was she said" ninja.

He will not be missed.
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Sharingan-Shinobi's avatar
"

Sakura: “Last time, he got use because of a blind spot. There's no way that could happen now!”

Dammit, Sakura…

Haven't you ever heard of “Temping fate”?"

Who does? XD

"Kabutomaru: “Ugh! This is getting boring!""

A bit too early to say that, glasses.